Longest day ever!

Friends/family,

Today was without a doubt the hardest, longest, most anxiety producing day of my life. I feel like I should give some more background to help everyone understand.

Brent and I were close friends during his heart surgery in 2007 and I very clearly remember when he told us in September of 2007 that he had a congenital heart defect and would have to have surgery in November. I was so upset then - I had only know him for 2 months and I remember running out of my house crying when I read an email from him because I already knew I was going to marry him. I started asking God then "Really? This is the guy I am supposed to marry?" long before we were even dating. I questioned God for months but I always knew deep down Brent was the one. On November 19, 2007 - I thought that day was the worst day of my life because it was surgery #7. He didn't want any visitors at the hospital and I didn't get to talk to him for a week! I remember praying non-stop all day during his heart surgery, just begging God for him to be ok and for this to be the last surgery for a LONG time. He recovered so quickly and I think I won him over during his recovery. :) I cooked for him, walked with him, watched movies with him, and just encouraged him. Fast forward 6 months later and we're happily dating. He recovered so well - I just knew that would be the last surgery for awhile. He planned a softball tournament that raised over $10,000 for the Adult Congenital Heart Association, started running, we traveled overseas together...everything was great. It's like we totally forgot his heart condition. I struggled with it at first and cried about it a lot because I knew what I was getting into and I knew the first surgery would be incredibly difficult, but I never imagined in my worst dreams that it would happen today.

So that's our background, or at least from the heart surgery perspective. Our wonderful story is on our wedding website: http://www.mywedding.com/rachelandbrent. Brent is truly an inspiration to everyone he comes in contact with and he's even the poster child for St Joseph Hospital in Orange county: http://www.sjo.org/Clinical_Services/Heart_and_Vascular_Center/Specialty_Areas/Adult_Congenital_Heart_Program/Patient_Testimonial.aspx
He was asked to speak at an event in May of 2008 regarding Congenital Heart Disease and he did an amazing job! I've always been so proud of him and aside from constantly reminding him he's working too hard, we do forget most of the time that he has a heart condition - well, except for that audible ticking mechanical aortic valve that I can hear across the room. :-) Brent is so active - he loves to surf, hike, run, do yoga, go to the gym, etc. I always say you'd never know he had a heart condition!

Anyways, back to today...I woke up at 5:00 am after about 4 hours of sleep and just sat down next to Brent and hugged him while he slept. Our friends Chris & Kelly from Elevate church arrived at 7:00 am - about 20 minutes before we went down to pre-op. We prayed together, Brent joked around a lot, and off we went. My stomach started to twist up when we arrived in the pre-op room because it became so real. We were only down in pre-op for about 30 minutes when they said "Ok, say your goodbyes, we're going to start medicating him." We held each other and I started crying, and Brent (being the incredible guy that he is) starts asking one of the nurses to take care of me. I tried so hard not to cry at all in front of him for this reason, but when you're saying goodbye to the love of your life before his 8th heart surgery, it's hard to choke back tears. I thought that was the hardest moment of my life, hugging him goodbye and watching them wheel him away, knowing what they were about to do to his body. I was terrified that was it - I'd never see him again, never get to hold him again. It was a horrible feeling I don't wish upon anyone and I also hope I continue to value the precious things in life. I knew Brent was a fighter but I also knew what 7 heart surgeries can do to your body. The O.R. nurses promised they'd take good care of him for me, so off I went to the waiting room for the longest wait of my life.

The first update came from Megan, the Nurse Practitioner, around 10:00 am. They had not gotten to his heart yet (they were still cracking his sternum), but they were almost there. Chris and Kelly were there to occupy me, so I was ok at that point because Megan reassured us everything was going ok. The next hour and a half was a little harder because I knew he would be on the heart-lung bypass machine by that point - which basically means you are "flat-lining" and a machine is pumping blood through your body for you. Thank God for modern medicine but what a scary feeling, knowing your fiance's heart isn't beating. Megan updated us around 11:30 and said he had been on bypass for over 60 mins and that was all she knew. She was very sweet, answered all of my questions, but just didn't have much more info for me at that point. I knew that 60 minutes is ideal for heart-lung bypass, but when you start to go over 60 minutes, it gets scarier. At 12:15 she called me and said he was still on bypass (about 100 minutes) and that they were almost done. I started to freak out at the point because that's too long to be on bypass. I asked Megan what they were doing and how much longer would he be on bypass and she simply didn't know. She just knew that they had done a total pulmonic valve replacement (same thing he had done in 2007) and were "almost done." I wanted to run into the O.R. and tell the surgeon to hurry up and get his heart going again!

Let me tell you...the 30 minutes from 12:15-12:45 were MUCH harder than saying goodbye. We were all on edge, watching the corners for the surgeon to come out, trying to make small talk, etc. All that could go through my mind is that he'd been on bypass so long and praying please God let us heart start beating again when they take him off. It was like no other feeling I'd felt before. I knew people were praying and I was trying to trust in God, but in that moment, all I could think in my head was "Please God let him live, please God let him live" over and over again in my mind. I couldn't even find the words to pray. I was terrified I was going to receive bad news. FINALLY Megan called me back and told me he was off bypass and they were finishing closing him up and the surgeon would come speak with me shortly. It was this huge wave of relief and then this huge wave of "Ok, here comes a long recovery." The surgeon came out about 30 minutes later and informed me that they replaced his pulmonic valve where the aneurysm was and reinforced it so it wouldn't happen again. They also put a patch over where his missing rib is so his chest wall is stronger. The valve they replaced should last 10-15 years and the surgeon said next time he needs it replaced, they should be able to do it through the femoral artery in the groin - it's amazing how advanced medicine has become and I truly attribute that to God! Even though Brent is usually the exception, I still pray and feel confident we'll have a nice, 10-year long break from this heart surgery stuff. When I asked his surgeon about patients that had had multiple surgeries and what was the most he'd seen, he replied with the number 8. Brent truly is a miracle and he's such a fighter. He defies the research on congenital heart defects and amazes everyone he comes in contact with.

After the surgeon came and spoke with me, I had to wait about another hour to see Brent. They wheeled him by me and it was heartbreaking - his eyes were taped shut, he was intubated, he had tubes coming out of numerous places, he was on a huge monitor, and he was covered in betadine and dried blood. It's a picture I want to forget as soon as possible, but unfortunately as I write this, I'm still staring at him. I had to wait another 30 minutes to be let in to the CardioVascular ICU (CVICU) and when they finally let me near him, I just kept smiling and kissing his forehead and telling him how amazing he is and what a perfect surgery he had and how excited I was to marry him. He slowly started to wake up, nodding his head, squeezing my hand, etc. He even wrote a few notes! I'll have to take a picture of the paper he scribbled on - pretty hilarious because we had no idea what he was saying, I had to figure out the words by guessing the first letter.

At one point when Brent was still intubated, he started waving his right hand and when I kept telling him everything was ok, to relax, and to let the tube breathe for him - he still kept indicating something was wrong. I started to freak out and then he grabbed my hand, and spelled out the letters "I L O V E Y O U" in my right hand. It was so beautiful, but I told him to not do that again because he scared me. I thought something was really wrong! I love him more though. :-)

Around 4:15 pm, Chris & Kelly left to go back to San Diego. It had been a long day for everyone and I was so grateful they had been there with me for so long. At that point, Brent was ready to be extubated. Yay! They removed the tube and then he could whisper to me. It was beautiful to hear him say something simple like "My right biceps hurts." :-) For the past few hours, he has been uncomfortable and been sick a few times, but for the most part, considering ALL he's been through today, he's doing great. It's so hard to see him like this, but I know he'll get better every day. Around 6:00 pm, I become absolutely physically and emotionally exhausted. It's been a long day - so I hope Brent continues to sleep as he's doing now. I think they're about to get him up in the chair - the doctors like to have their patients sitting up within 6 hours of surgery!

I can't even express how grateful I am for the prayers, support, texts, calls, facebook comments, etc. I wish I could call you all individually and tell you how amazing every single comment has been, even the short comments and texts! I have been so encouraged today and it means so much to me reading things from people I haven't even seen in years. I am so touched by how many people have been praying and will continue to pray for Brent. I know we got through this day because God hears our prayers and answers them and Brent's an amazing man of faith as well. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for ALL of your support, even the people I don't know - I thank God for your concern, thoughts, and prayers!

We do have a very long recovery ahead of us, one filled with uncomfortableness and pain for Brent - plus heart surgery patients typically become depressed after surgery. Please don't stop praying - we'll be in the hospital for another week and I know Brent typically keeps his spirits up, but there's always somewhat of a change. He also told me prior to surgery that he has horrible nightmares after surgery and doesn't sleep well. Please pray he will sleep peacefully and rest well. We are SO grateful the surgery is over with and we can start moving away from this nightmarish 4 days, but it will be hard to not get upset and disappointed over the next few weeks about how this affects life and our upcoming wedding/honeymoon and also our financial situation. I think any female can agree this is a bride's worst nightmare - but we WILL pull through and we are still praying for our August 9th wedding date. Please just continue to pray for a quick, painless recovery, and peaceful rest.

I will update the blog tomorrow and possibly tonight if we're not sleeping. Thanks again for your support today - it was certainly a day I would never like to relive again and I will continue to ask God to heal Brent's heart and give him a LONG break this time. I appreciate so much the support we've been given! If anyone would like to come visit, please let me know! A few people have asked for Brent's address - we had an "emergency move" into my house this weekend about 6 weeks earlier than planned, but it had to be done so I could care for him. His new address is Brent Weinberg, 2155 1st Avenue, San Diego, CA 92101.

I'll be in touch and please please continue to lift us up in your thoughts and prayers - even though the surgery is over, we've got a long way to go. :-)

God bless,
Rachel